{"id":8792,"date":"2022-04-17T16:53:00","date_gmt":"2022-04-17T20:53:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/?p=8792"},"modified":"2022-04-28T12:11:46","modified_gmt":"2022-04-28T16:11:46","slug":"polymessous","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/2022\/04\/17\/polymessous\/","title":{"rendered":"Polymessous"},"content":{"rendered":"

Cool title for a blog post, huh? Now it’s time to talk what I mean by it.
\nNow first off, the title used to go by another name, which was called “You’re under arrest for being too nice<\/em>!!”, but more of another potential problem has come up that changed it to this.
\nSo let’s get started by what happened last night when I was in VRChat. It continues
\nmy ‘Dutch is an absolute sweetie’ segment from the previous post. Dutch was in the call while telling me how much he loved me in DMs. While I didn’t think much of it, Kovo on the other hand was paying attention to what Dutch was saying in the call. Then he started messaging me saying “oh boy” then “Beware snowflake you my ask you being his group”. I’m all “huh? A group?” I was very confused, and Kovo told me that Dutch’s love to me is more than a friend. …What?! But he’s taken!
\n“Open relationship” Kovo said. Eventually it hit me and I said “Wait… POLY?!” And Kovo says “You his boyfriend and him”. My mind was like “..no, no no no! I was just trying to be a good friend! Please.. no. God no! No p0lyrelationship!” Kovo was telling me to not
\nworry, that “you got this”. Did calm down a bit later, feeling “humble” he likes me more than a friend. But please no poly. I don’t want a repeat of what I dealt with in the
\npast.
\nThe next day (this afternoon), Kovo asked me if I had dealt with Dutch. Told him that I had a perfect plan to get myself out of it. Once he asks, I’ll let him down easy.
\nA day passed (this afternoon), Kovo tells me Dutch is “jacking off to you”. Okay then. Then he says “you better hope he’s a bottom”. I said “he’s a switch”.
\nand he hopes he’s a bottom. I said “he’s a switch”, and Kovo’s like “oh fuck”. I saw all of this as being silly funny (since I knew what to do once Dutch asks).
\n…And then Kovo says something that almost costed our friendship, after showing him what Dutch has been saying to me via a picture. It started off again of what I felt was more silly funny stuff when he said “Oh no I just realized what you did you put a heart at the end oh no no no no”.
\nThen I felt he wasn’t messing around anymore, feeling that it was ME who made Dutch feel I “wanted more than friendship” by accident (aka giving him the wrong idea). I stopped laughing after that, feeling I was being wrongly blamed for ‘being nice’ (now you see where the original blog post title came from). He’s all “this is why I don’t send
\nhearts” and stuff like that.
\nMy mind felt like “Kovo, you wouldn’t FUCKING know what love truly meant to you if it bit you in the ASS!!” I genuinely felt I was being insulted for trying to help my friends out.
\nIt didn’t help his cause when he said “you misunderstood”. I was like “FINE.. fine! Ok, so I will act like a jerk to people for now on! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?! Going to have to uninstall VRChat and prune my friends lists, and be a fucking jerk to people!” ..I was SO pissed off. I get it Kovo, you don’t know what ‘compassion’ feels like. You never did. You never truly felt love.
\nAm I wrong for saying this? Yes and Maybe. I mean what I say as relationship wise.<\/p>\n

I felt forced to let this go with Dutch sooner than I wanted to (because I actually enjoyed him snuggling me and saying he loved me and had to get rid of it because of Kovo). To be honest I was surprised Dutch didn’t deny what Kovo said, by acting confused. But
\nno, Kovo was actually telling the truth– Dutch had feelings towards me. And it kind of upsets me that he feels I’m the one that ‘feels bad’ over this. It was actually more so
\nthat I<\/span> was worried about him<\/em>.. and hope I didn’t break his heart.
\n…I likely have because he’s stopped talking to me since then. But you know? Maybe it was better now instead of later (when he might really want me to be in a poly with him and
\nhis BF). Kovo did say Dutch was having a hard time thinking about asking me. So I
\nfeel on that regard, I helped him make that decision. Stay with your BF, Dutch. Stay true to him.
\nMakes me question if he even went over this with his BF before telling Kovo. I feel the answer is “no”, and it was from feelings instead of thought. …And that’s bad on his part. That could be seen as ‘cheating’.
\n–
\nLater, I’m calming down a little but still feel mad at Kovo for ‘not understanding’.
\nLater, he greatly apologizes for his words, forgetting who I am and what I’ve been through. With him now understanding just how uncompassionate he is, he starts to beat himself up. I really calmed down after that, but once again tried to explain why I like helping my friends. Yet also analogizing that he has.. a bit of a point. Though it’s a point that works for him, just not for me.
\nSo, that’s that between me and Dutch. I still feel bad for him, but I had to do it.<\/p>\n

–
\nNow it’s time to talk about something more recent: Malice and Jelly. See, I was alone binge watching every season, every episode of Legends of Chima<\/em>, waiting for anyone I like being around me that wants to be invited.
\nMalice was the first who sent me an invite. He couldn’t see what I was watching and I can’t figure out how to help them do so. I keep running into this problem. Jero’s the only one that knew how to fix it, but I don’t want to disturb him from working.
\nAnyway, I also forgot Novice wanted to snuggle with me that same night. So now there was Malice, Novice and Jelly. And I wanted to be with Novice, but Jelly kept interfering with this. And it seemed Novice himself had enough of this BS and left (made it look like he crashed).
\nAnyway, I wanted to watch my show but Jelly kept getting in my face and I felt ‘I’ll just go to the bed viewing room and let them have fun’, and Jelly’s all “noooo Benie don’t leave us! Please watch us!” I say “nah, I don’t watch people have sex thank you. I’ll let you two have fun.”
\nDid go to that room and kept watching. I felt they were kind of ‘wasting my time’ since they can’t see what I’m watching, plus I was a bit annoyed they made Novice leave. The two did join me but I tried to not be bothered by it anymore. Then Jelly left, and now this is where things get a bit interesting. Malice is all “nooo, why did Jelly leave!? I cry.” I tried to tell him that Jelly “should be back shortly”.
\nThen he said something about that it’s good that one stays (can’t fully remember word per word what he said), and then said “does this make this polyamorous?” I’m like “uhhhh”.
\n–
\nMalice, did you just hint you want to be in a poly with me and Jelly? Because it sure sounded like it. I didn’t bring that up though, and neither did he. But much, much later when Jelly did come back (and Malice was sound asleep from being high), I told him what Malice said. And Jelly wasn’t really that surprised. “I know he hangs out with you quite a lot” he said.
\nAll I’m gonna say is if he brings it up again (to ask me), I’ll have to let him down like I
\ndid Dutch. I don’t want to, but I will if put in that position.<\/p>\n

.
\nSo, this has happened twice now. TWICE. All because I was too nice to my friends who have BFs and are willing to ‘cheat’ on them by hoping they would agree to turn their relationship from open into a poly.
\nThat is.. bad. That is not what I want. So maybe.. maybe I should re-think how to approach this. Since Jero’s desperately trying to pay off a loan that’s been taking him pretty much all month to work his ass off, I have to ‘become my own best friend’ and come up with my own solution. And as much as this is going to hurt (because I love the feeling of being loved and snuggled — it’s a kink), I’m going to have to STOP doing this around ones I know who are in an open relationship.
\nI don’t want them to feel obligated they need to explore what it’s like to be in a poly. I want them to be happy with who they chose to be happy with. However…, they too also need to learn when to stop as well. Because from what I know about being in an open, they still need to stay true to who they made their BF\/GF. They can’t go around saying they “love me so much” when they’re supposed to have a commitment with who they really
\nlove.
\nThe fact both Dutch and Malice both were considering to add me to a poly with
\ntheir BF, shows there’s a problem with their relationship. I’ve felt this with Malice for awhile now. Then again, it could also be seen as “broadening their horizon”, “trying something new”.. that sort of thing. If that’s the case, it’s best they don’t do that around me. I am not poly material. I do not want to love their BF.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Cool title for a blog post, huh? Now it’s time to talk what I mean by it. Now first off, the title used to go by another name, which was called “You’re under arrest for being too nice!!”, but more … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,26,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8792","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-drama","category-love-drama","category-personal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8792","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8792"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8792\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8804,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8792\/revisions\/8804"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8792"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8792"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8792"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}