{"id":8638,"date":"2022-01-09T12:10:53","date_gmt":"2022-01-09T17:10:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/?p=8638"},"modified":"2022-01-10T22:49:56","modified_gmt":"2022-01-11T03:49:56","slug":"explaining-things-for-once-im-glad-i-have-blender","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/2022\/01\/09\/explaining-things-for-once-im-glad-i-have-blender\/","title":{"rendered":"Explaining things \/ For once I’m glad I have Blender \/ …Abuse complaint on my website??"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last night was hilarious, but it also showed a big problem I have caused by.. feelings that never want to die out (even though I have a BF now). However, what Jero said last night, may’ve finally gave it the mercy kill it deserves.
\nAnd before I start, one thing I want to state: last morning I wasn’t able to get my rest due to my body being not nice. But I finally got that lost sleep this morning. Very thankful. \ud83d\ude42
\nBut, I think I’m going to take another break from VRChat. Dunno how long, but I just need to think (even though I don’t really have anything I haven’t thought of before). Overall, think I’m going to see Jero less and less.
\n==============================================================
\nExplaining things<\/strong><\/em>
\n==============================================================
\nJoined pretty late this morning, as I was busy typing up the last blog post. I also felt ashamed of my actions with jealousy. Both Blender and Jero were on, and I debated which one I should join first. Jero thankfully ‘made it easy’ for me to make a decision saying in Discord that “it’s up to Frost”. Not wanting to be a bother, I picked to see Blender first.
\nJoined the highly expanded ‘Rest and Sleep’ world. They’ve moved the spawnpoint to show off the new wing added. Heard voices from the spawn point, including “Benie’s here. Where is he? Where’s Benie?”
\nStill feeling ashamed (yet also tired), I stayed in the lobby. Blender found me, and that’s when I explained the situation. He understood (in his own way), but not much else was said. Told him I still love him. Then he introduced me to his friends, thinking how ‘wild’ it would be (in his opinion) to see another him. They too seemed unimpressed, just as I thought. Blender was trying to get a reaction out of me, but I was half-tired and was hoping someone would go to bed.
\nThen I heard Blender yawning, and said “maybe you should go to bed”. He too was unable to get his full sleep, and he did so. Now with Blender in bed, I could talk to Jero. Went back to my homeworld, and then tried to send Frost an invite. Waited a bit. Nothing. Okay, that’s fine. Guess you guys don’t want me to join, or something.
\n–
\nNovice was on and I joined him (in the same world I was just in). He was in the new area, in his Hopkin avatar. I tried to pet him, but I felt so tired and so.. depressed. Then he went to socialize with others, and I went my own way; into this pool of sorts. Put myself right in the corner and closed my eyes, occasionally opening them incase I see someone join the world. I wanted to put my head under the water and drown, but didn’t. I just felt too ashamed of myself.
\nThen a random Hopkin came over and booped me. They indirectly asked why I was all alone here. I didn’t say anything, but was hoping they’d leave me alone and let me suffer in my own depression. Little did I know, but Novice was right behind me and I would had never knew until this random told me. I felt somewhat happy knowing he was here with me, but I didn’t tell him what was on my mind. I just asked him if he was OK since the night before, and he was. Said he was recording himself, and saw Grey had joined.
\nHe said how he “felt bad” he can’t be there for Grey, but said “for some reason I feel uncomfortable around him”.
\nI said “I know exactly how you feel. Jero and I have this same feeling”. But I didn’t want to say anymore just incase a friend (or a friend of a friend of a friend) of Grey was here in this world. He agreed to this.
\n—
\nThen Jero joined unexpectingly. Now usually I would be so happy.. but not this time. All I did was pray he didn’t have to say anything about what happened last night.
\nNovice went to do his own thing. We just chilled for a bit, and asked him how he was doing and stuff. The usual. And I took this time to tell Jero that “I’m sorry for my actions last night, with the jealousy”. But he took it with a chuckle and told me it’s OK.
\nNo, it’s not. And I explained everything else. All he did, was repeat what he has told me before. Nothing new. Nothing that would tell my stupid achy heart that still has those strong feelings for him.. to STFU!!
\nBut anyway, he did tell me he doesn’t mind hanging out with me as he cares about me a lot. Mmm, that’s sweet. Then he talks about Grey, and how it’s “pissing me(Jero) off”. Again I told him the same thing I told Novice, to be careful as there’s people who’s friends with Grey that could be here.
\n==============================================================
\nFor once I’m glad I have Blender<\/strong><\/em>
\n==============================================================
\nThat was until I explained what I meant by how him and Blender “are the only reasons why I play this game anymore”. He asked “what about Kovo?” and I explained the reason why he doesn’t really play VRChat anymore. I want to believe Kovo that he wants to go back to how things were between mid-2018 to 2019 (when I played every damn day just to hear his hilarious shenanigans). But with his controllers being the way they are, and the fact not that much happens in the game anymore, it likely will never happen.
\nWe also talked about Aaron, and I could had sworn he said how they dated once, but it was a year ago. ..Well, that explains a LOT with how flirty Aaron was around him. But later I asked him about it and he said “we never dated”. So either he misheard me or lied. I’m going to vote on ‘misheard’.
\n–
\nLater, after waiting for a friend of mine to head to bed, I explained the ‘only reason why I play anymore’ thing but with more detail (how I feel anyone that has a job\/car\/life is ‘better than me’). He didn’t really have a response for that except “well my car is my bike”.
\nRephrased it with how I tend to avoid these people. He seemed to understand me, then said this is why he goes to public instances. He also dislikes private instances, saying they “cut you off from the community”.
\nImmediately I began to have WoD flashbacks of people against the Garrison. ..So he’s one of them<\/span>; the complainers. He’s a fan of the whole ‘community’ aspect.
\nThat was all I needed for my feelings towards him to say “WTF?!?!” and die. Now I’m glad we’re not a thing. ..You know, it’s funny. Jero has said, that once someone meets him IRL that they about face and go the other way. Well I am too, as that’s all I needed to hear.
\nBlender doesn’t care for the whole community aspect. That’s why we get along so well. It’s a question I’ve never thought of asking, to anyone.
\n–
\nThen he tells me how this otter community he’s a part of, that they’re doing an IRL meetup in March of this year and have asked Jero if he would like to come to America and be part of it. He believes he can. Then I said “I envy you. You actually get to go out of the house and see the world. I’m stuck here!”
\nSaid he feels slightly worried about it, due to not really knowing them that well. Mmm, guess I could agree to that. He also believes it likely won’t happen, as the same thing was promised with that whole thing of going to Las Vegas. Said the guy that was going to do it, suddenly stopped talking to them. So, when he was dating.. you know who. Hmm.
\n–
\nLater, Aaron joins. And after some time he’s really wanting to get Jero into a private world. And I thought “you know what? Fine. You two go to a private world. I’ll be fine, alone”. And Jero’s all “nooo, I’m not going to do that to you”. Aaron however didn’t seem to care. He was horny.
\nWell Aaron, you can have Jero all to yourself now. He’s not ‘mine’ anymore. I don’t care.<\/p>\n

I just.. don’t care anymore. Yeah, I am going to take that break from VRChat. I dunno when I’ll be back. I’m sorry.
\nEDIT: After my trip to Waffle House (and actually talking to my mother for once about this), I reversed my decision on taking a break.
\n==============================================================
\n…Abuse complaint on my website??<\/strong><\/em>
\n==============================================================
\nSo this one caught me completely off guard. After coming back from Waffle House and talking to my mother, I checked my email and saw two messages with the titles like this;
\n‘[ABUSE]: Urgent Mass Storage Abuse Report For benies-blogs.com’<\/strong>
\n..”Abuse”?! The FUCK??
\nSo apparently a 3-year-old backup folder is for some reason against their ToS, when it never was before. What. the. FUCK, Arvixe. How long have I had this website? Several years now? And suddenly it’s a problem?!
\nStill, I conducted an investigation into the matter, and found no evidence of this supposed folder that’s an issue. Re-read their email, thinking I missed something.. and I did. This was a much, much bigger issue that I thought I didn’t have a leg to stand on. But it also pissed me off. So basically they’re against me taking advantage of the unlimited
\nspace.. well you dumbfucks shouldn’t had fucking advertised it as unlimited then!!
\nAnd why NOW are you guys against it, when I’ve done this for years with no issues?? Made me start to believe.. someone I knew, someone I remember saying they “found my blogs” snitched on me.
\nBut.. why? That doesn’t make sense, when they’re one of my really good friends. They wouldn’t do something this low to me. Nah, there’s more to this. Moved away from the whole ‘snitch’ assumption.
\n–
\nI went to Arvixe’s security team to ask if the email was legitimate. It was. They also updated my ticket with my defense in this matter.
\nToday (the 10th), they responded telling me to check a usage report, that showed exactly where the offending folder is. It’s not in the main folder where everything goes, but in a root folder… ohhhh. Huh, I guess I could understand why they’re against that (as they don’t know what it could be as its against their own ToS to look inside a customer’s files). Right, I’ll remove it.
\nSuddenly remembered why I put it there; for security reasons, and I was going to remove it but I forgot to. And to help better mitigate the issue (aka get them off my back), I deleted a few old .zip files in the main folder. ..Hopefully<\/em> you guys are happy now?
\nCompleting the investigation, I submitted my findings and sent the response.
\n–
\nGot a response from them. Issue fixed, and they closed the ticket against me. Crisis over. Phew. Now I can breath easier without fear of not knowing where to put my stuff if they shut down this website.
\nThen right after that response, I get another email.. asking for feedback.
\nUhh.. ex-freakin’-CUSE ME?! After you guys tried to give me a panic attack, of an email at 2 in the morning, with the words ‘administrative action’ in the body for failing to do anything about it……, you. want me. to GIVE MY FUCKING FEEDBACK?!?!?!
\nSure. Thank you, for not<\/strong><\/em> destroying 10+ years of work. Thank you, for not<\/strong><\/em> forcing me to go to another hoster! Is that good enough for feedback, Arvixe?? Just… *sighs* just please keep doing your jobs keeping the server this website is on, and I’ll do my best to not be in your hair. DEAL??<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last night was hilarious, but it also showed a big problem I have caused by.. feelings that never want to die out (even though I have a BF now). However, what Jero said last night, may’ve finally gave it the … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22,25,26,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8638","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-computing","category-drama","category-love-drama","category-personal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8638","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8638"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8638\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8654,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8638\/revisions\/8654"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8638"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8638"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8638"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}