A day ago, you saw my post. I was going through a lot of depression of not knowing what to do, what to think about all of this. Guess you could say I was having a nervous breakdown.
\nBut someone came up to me yesterday that helped to clear the fog. It was Larry, the one that helped me with Jero. He heard about Wolfdog from a source he doesn’t wish to reveal and saw nothing but positivity in him(Wolfdog). When I told him how I was so unsure about being in a relationship, he couldn’t understand why. Well he does now, and he told me to simply: “do your best to ignore all negative feelings and only focus on the positive. You have a golden opportunity to be happy with someone who loves you.. and you want to throw all of that away?”
\nExplained I knew this, but I felt I’d scare him away with how I really am IRL. Sometime later he had to go, but told me “just listen to your heart instead of your head. I know what you’re going through, that this is all coming so fast and you can barely breath. But I trust Wolfdog to be a loving partner to you.. unlike Jero. And believe me, I will be watching him from the shadows. The moment I detect trouble, you will be the first to know.”
\nI nodded, thanking him for having my back as he logs off.
\n–
\nI then had an idea that I felt would stop all of my negative emotions; to type them all out and pick a day I felt confident enough to confront him with all of this.. just to see how reliable he really is as a lover to hold all of this heavy baggage.
\nI was halfway done with what I wanted to say, even having parts as if I was talking to him and felt he was going to hate me for saying it. It got to where I was trying to explain.. this very unknown reason why I haven’t really agreed to play any other game since the whole DJ shitshow ended. I kept pondering for an answer, and I came up with a revelation that it’s just like how I felt with GreyTheWolf and Illunovice.. that I “felt bothered” when people ask me to play games with them.
\nYet I was OK of playing other games with Jero. I bought No Man’s Sky, just to be with
\nhim. I took a gamble to be with the one I love. …So why? Why is Jero any different than those two? I couldn’t answer my own question.<\/p>\n
I looked at Discord and saw Wolfdog alone playing no games. …..It’s like, right there something broke through all of my negative emotions. It was a feeling, of determination. Determination, to make this god damn relationship WORK if it’s the last thing I do. Since then, I did my damnest to be with him. We played some Fall Guys. I’ll admit I was getting kind of annoyed when he was getting all pissed he didn’t make it and was blaming the game instead of his own skills (and never felt proud I made it). ..But, I suppressed. I preserved. There was one time where I said “it’s only a game” and he said “k”. . A day ago, you saw my post. I was going through a lot of depression of not knowing what to do, what to think about all of this. Guess you could say I was having a nervous breakdown. But someone … Continue reading
\nThere Wolfdog was. Lonely. ..Why in the fuck am I doing this to him?! I SHOULD BE WITH HIM!! ..Give it a chance, just like any game I didn’t like before. And if it doesn’t work, I can’t say I didn’t give it my all.
\nI nodded, feeling very<\/strong><\/em> determined to make this relationship work. I will suppress all of my negative emotions and only focus on the good in him. Most of my friends say I found the one. Even Larry. I can’t throw this away.. that’s just dumb!!<\/p>\n
\nIt’s like I was dealing with myself in the past. ..Is this some kind of sign, to show me just how far I’ve truly accomplished in life? Possibly.
\nWe played like.. 20-30 rounds to where I had to say “do you wanna keep going, or play another game?” I was waiting for him to say something as we were playing all of those rounds. But he’s the one that is all “I’ll do what you wanna do”. *sighs* ..Reminds me of my parents. Them constantly arguing where to go to eat, and my father (when he was still alive) was always the indecisive one. Heh. It was funny.
\nBut anyway, we both decided to go hang in VRChat. Go see some old friends together. It was good.<\/p>\n
\nSo, the moral of this story: sometimes listening to your head is actually worse than listening to your heart when it comes to a relationship. I don’t have to say anything to him. My actions will speak for me. If they aren’t what he’s looking for, he’ll tell me. I’m sure of it. ..He is no Jero (who would keep things related to us from me).
\nUnlike Jero, Wolfdog knows how relationships work. He’s not dumb. I’m sure of it. \ud83d\udc4d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"