…I did what I swear I wouldn’t do. I swore I wasn’t going to be the one that asked if he wanted to be my BF. …But I did it anyway. However I waited until I felt ready to say it.
\nHowever his response is, confusing to say the least. I originally thought he meant his current BF, but instead he meant something else.
\nAnd what does this mean about the project? Let’s say I haven’t thrown it away as I said I would. I’m still using it as a ‘safety net’, but for a different reason than I originally planned. Though it’s for a very good reason.<\/p>\n
So, what happened is it’s been four days since DJ showed up in that world that I was going to see someone else. Despite his fetishes of being filled up to bursting with semen, staring at a bulge, and talking about “how excited” one of his avatars is; he has a very sweet, kind heart that he wants people to see. He sees this as his true self.
\nI’ve greatly opened up to this. Though he isn’t everything I’m looking for in a
\nrelationship, he has checked some pretty good boxes. He respects me as a person. He doesn’t care if I’m old (even said how others aren’t seeing beyond this). And possibly the sweetest thing he’s said, is I “make him stronger”. That he feels weak without me.
\nThat has to be the most adorable thing anyone’s ever said to me. He also has an amazing voice and has been practicing on being a singer.
\nThis has definitely been what all of that training has paid off for, to accept who he is.<\/p>\n
Now, we’re in a.. I want to say ‘official’ of the way he acts around me (calls me cute and lovely), but a relationship that would have to be pulled back if anyone found out about us. At least going by what he told me.
\nSee, he told me something about how he “would be cheating”. Originally I assumed he meant his current BF, and told him we’d still be friends if he decides to stay with this person.
\nNow, it’s two things. First off, the whole thing of himself ‘cheating’ is him being worried that someone’s going to walk up to him and say it. So whoever this BF is, has a lot of friends who know DJ. Seems similar to Jero and Chris, doesn’t it? The whole spy wars all from Jero wanting to get back together with me. ..It could happen again, and this time it could be 5 or even 10x worse.
\nSecond, he mentions about his ex-BF and how my words bring back memories of that. Yet he’s ok of me calling him “hun” and “sweetie”.<\/p>\n
Why does it seem to me, he never had a current BF? That this person he’s with, was his ex. And he’s using his ex to keep people from hurting him. From what he told me of what his ex caused him to do after the breakup, I can definitely understand the reasoning.
\nIt’s almost like dealing with Jero for the first time, but this time I’ve learned to push away those doubts and replace them with “he just needs time”. Giving that space, might remove the feeling of ‘controlling’.
\nBut anyway, the first thing is why I’m keeping the project. If I was to replace her with one of DJ’s avatars, this could cause trouble for him. Of course I don’t want this. I want him to feel safe. Though, I really should talk to him about this whole thing. Such as how long it’s been since the breakup. Even he doesn’t know why someone would say he’s ‘cheating’ on his ex, but he feels it will happen if someone finds out.
\nPlus, there’s the threat of the avatar being stolen and found on a ripper website.<\/p>\n
There is one thing that does slightly bug me about him, yet at the same time I can understand why he.. has trouble saying it. It isn’t that he doesn’t truly love me, he’s worried about his ex coming back.
\nAnd that are those three powerful words– “I love you”. Again, his ex. Similar to Jero in the past. Except Jero never answered those three words with cute squeaks and noises.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
…I did what I swear I wouldn’t do. I swore I wasn’t going to be the one that asked if he wanted to be my BF. …But I did it anyway. However I waited until I felt ready to say … Continue reading