{"id":7913,"date":"2020-02-07T12:59:26","date_gmt":"2020-02-07T17:59:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/?p=7913"},"modified":"2020-02-08T04:54:12","modified_gmt":"2020-02-08T09:54:12","slug":"when-you-fuck-up-majorly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/2020\/02\/07\/when-you-fuck-up-majorly\/","title":{"rendered":"When you fuck up majorly (but at the end, it’s OK)"},"content":{"rendered":"

I wish I had better news to say to you folks, but boy did I fuck up majorly<\/strong>. If I could go back in time and stop myself from what I did, I would. What’s worse, this isn’t the first time I did this to someone (and they lost trust in me). Shoot was a victim of this too, when it came to Ruffy. Yet we’re friends again.
\nAll I can do is pray, the same would happen…. to Jero.
\n–
\nYesterday was supposed to be a good day. Jero talked to me that afternoon, happy as can be to see me. Full of trust. This… all changed when Jero joined Kovo’s voice chat. He told me that Fluffy’s still asking for a RL pic of himself, but is unsure of trusting him.
\nI went to Fluffy, trying to figure out why he wanted that picture so badly. He said “I just wanna see papa”. I said “Well he’s nervous about it.”
\nHe questioned why, and I tried to think of a way to tell him (that Jero doesn’t really trust him). So.. I end up copy\/pasting what Jero said to Fluffy, never ever thinking what a boneheaded move this was.
\n10 minutes later, I hear Jero in voice chat asking me in a voice I will never forget: “why did you send that to Fluffy? That was supposed to be for you.” This is a side of Jero I’ve never heard nor seen in my life. I tried my best to defend myself, saying “it was the only way to get the point across. I didn’t mean any harm.” Then I hear him saying that Fluffy now hates him.
\nI left the chat when I saw Jero more and more upset at me. At the same time, I was upset at Fluffy for sending Jero what I pasted to him. Fluffy, this is as much your fault as it is mine. You had no<\/strong> right to send that message back to him! The only reason why I sent you it, was to explain what was going on!! …NOT to FUCKING RUIN ME by posting it!!!
\nWHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT TO ME?! HUH?!
\nHe starts off saying “I can understand you’re upset”. Fluffy, Jero is the one that’s upset WITH ME right now, because of YOU!!! He felt very sorry and ashamed for what he had done, while I’m still trying to defend myself from Jero’s onslaught of words, him not understanding what gave me the idea to send something that was supposed to be only for me, to Fluffy.
\nI.. honestly didn’t understand why he was so upset about this. “It was an accident! I didn’t mean to upset you!” are words I desperately tried to use in my defense. Felt he was making a big deal out of nothing.
\nIt took awhile until.. “oh no. I did the same thing Chris did to him! ..FUCK!!” popped into my head. I then said “Jero, what I did wasn’t to cause any of this. I mean you no harm. I wouldn’t purposely do this!”
\n–
\nSuddenly he’s all “it’s OK, don’t worry about it.” …Why should I not<\/span><\/em>? What I did, I feel so ashamed of what I did to you!
\nHe claims I did nothing to him. Uhh.. what the hell happened? You go from being upset at me to, this!?<\/em> The reason is he shifted his attention to Fluffy (noticing them trying to get his attention), saying he’s the one that’s hurt.
\nOk then, I’ll talk to Fluffy and we’ll work this out (with my own words). Yet he feels that Fluffy hates him forever, unable to be convinced otherwise. Though why in the fuck when I was talking to him, I never said “Jero, this is a huge misunderstanding. Fluffy does not hate you”.. I wish I knew. But one thing I absolutely avoided saying was “please believe\/trust me” (for obvious reasons).
\nI did<\/em> say “Fluffy doesn’t hate you”, but he didn’t believe it; saying “its all words in the end.”<\/p>\n

Then he talking about how he wants to think about this for awhile, not rushing into anything or talking to anyone. He’s confused and knows he needs to get his head
\nstraight, before making a decision.
\nI should had said something after this. Should had said “take all the time you need”… just something. Instead I stayed quiet. But I finally did after I got done talking with Fluffy. Yet I feel it’s too late. Since then I’ve completely rewrote what I said to include that Fluffy loves him very much (and included the whole ‘huge misunderstanding’ thing mentioned earlier).
\n—
\nSo what do I feel is going to happen now (with him)?
\n(Low chance)<\/strong> 1. He’ll come back and feel better (or be willing to talk), talks to Fluffy and sees he was wrong to think that. I also work very hard to regain his trust in me (a possible pause in our relationship).
\n(Moderate chance)<\/strong> 2. He’ll come back, tell me that we’re done, and likely block me and Fluffy. Or just say we’re done and not block. Maybe we’ll stay as friends, but I will work very hard to regain his trust in me (and hopefully have another chance to bring back the relationship).
\n(Moderate\/High chance)<\/strong> 3. If he doesn’t come back in a week, it’s more than likely he’ll never<\/em> come back (ends up blocking (and\/or) ghosting us). Though I also cannot say for certain this will<\/span> happen, only a possibility.<\/p>\n

It’s been a day since what happened (the reason for the rewrite), and I’ve been able to reflect on it. Re-read what he said and a picture of Fluffy’s last conversation with him. It lead me to believe that it’s pointless to beat myself up over this.
\nMay even be forced to move on (especially if he ghosts us). It’s just a shame it had to end like this (if<\/em> it does end like this, that is). But, at least I’ve learned NEVER to do what I did to Jero, to anyone else.
\nAlso, as a self-punishment to myself, I’ll be staying out of VRChat until either he
\nresponds, or ghosts us. That means I’m going to miss the next Dutchie meetup.. not that I care about it anyway. I’m also going to stay out of Discord servers (limit myself to DMs only), pending what happens.<\/p>\n

.
\nSo, that’s all I have for you folks at the moment. If something happens (be it good or
\nbad), I will try to edit this post as soon as possible.<\/p>\n

EDIT: …Holy fuck. The low chance, actually happened! THANK YOU, GOD!! THANK YOU!! :’) You took awhile for my prayer last night to be heard, but you came through for me. Though I deserve it. It’s a fitting punishment.
\nSo, I was getting ready to play The Talos Principle VR again. Rolling back with my chair preparing to get my headset on.. notice Jero’s avatar sending DMs to me. My jaw dropped and I started studdering “..J!! ..J!! J!! JERO!!! :D” Immediately went to Fluffy, doing the same thing. …I honestly had given up hope.
\nHe doubled down for me not to worry on what happened, saying he’s fine and everything’s OK now, and said “no, you’re not Chris. Chris was a nightmare!” The more I talked to
\nhim, I could feel tears of joy filling my eyes (that he wants to put this behind us).
\nHe even said “I love you”. I wanted to hug him so tightly, swearing I would love him even more than I ever have before.
\nI’m so happy this is behind me (and Fluffy). Just, wow. I can’t believe how well that turned out! Jero even said “I don’t wanna hurt you being offline”..
\n\"ANTN
\n\"Milk<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I wish I had better news to say to you folks, but boy did I fuck up majorly. If I could go back in time and stop myself from what I did, I would. What’s worse, this isn’t the first … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,26,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7913","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-drama","category-love-drama","category-personal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7913","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7913"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7913\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7922,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7913\/revisions\/7922"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7913"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7913"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7913"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}