{"id":7828,"date":"2020-01-14T01:50:32","date_gmt":"2020-01-14T06:50:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/?p=7828"},"modified":"2020-02-03T15:45:25","modified_gmt":"2020-02-03T20:45:25","slug":"when-a-new-friend-leads-to-an-old-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/2020\/01\/14\/when-a-new-friend-leads-to-an-old-love\/","title":{"rendered":"When a new friend leads to an old love"},"content":{"rendered":"

I do not know how to properly title this without ‘revealing spoilers’, but something completely unexpected happened yesterday evening. So I’ll let you folks try to guess who I’m talking about. And, no cheating by skimming through this post until you find the name.
\nSince the group is no more, I’ve been trying to enjoy myself (and failing, staying away from friends). But since I got that particle system, I have something to show my friends that I’m excited about. Though before that, I’ve (indirectly) started hanging with Sparky.
\nChecking out the world ‘Avatar Collections’; featuring 10,000 public avatars all in one world (old and new). A quarter of them no longer are accessible, though.
\nSparky joined this world and we hanged out for awhile, then he showed me some other avatar worlds.. one of them were these pool toy avatars. Sparky grabbed a yellow
\nSergal, and I grabbed a red dragon. He told me that a lot of people are going to see this as incredibly cute.
\n–
\nSparky had to go to bed at this time, leaving me alone. I went to go see Scooby who just got online. I had that pool toy red dragon, and it seemed he was right. Someone named ‘-Stray-‘ saw me and started cuddling me. What scared me a bit is he sounded almost like Fluffy (of the way he talked). He showed me his other shiba avatar (a shiba in a tux). He never used Blender, clever texturing to make it look 3D. Damn good job there.
\nWe were at the mirror, and I felt that warmth as he was holding and snuggling me. Yet at the same time, I was telling myself..
\n\"Joe
\n“Don’t even THINK about a relationship! Think friendship!<\/span>!”<\/em> And the next day, I’m glad I didn’t. The way he sounds, he could be in his mid-20’s and likely has a job and a car. He’s out of my league! Plus I did overhear him that he was in college.
\nStopped seeing him as much, but I still had drowsee. And wow what a day that was (the day before yesterday). It felt pretty magical. Yet I tell myself “they could be underaged. You have to ask them for it, and their gender. And you got to do it today!”
\nI was going to do that (when I see them online). But right now I’m being ‘forced’ to go to bed by Ruffy (more on this later).<\/p>\n

Now we move to yesterday (the main event). Saw -Stray- on and went to go see him (to show him my new particle toy). Load in, turn myself around… I see a very familiar
\nname. A name, I was told to avoid. A name, for 6 months, I couldn’t stop thinking about.
\nIt was… Jero.
\n\"Made
\n\"Run
\nI didn’t even have time to think, I HAD to get out of there!! If Chris sees me, I’m FUCKED!!
\nI don’t remember where I went (or who I saw), but it was about 3 hours later when I joined the world again (hoping to talk to -Stray-, and Jero wouldn’t be there). Loaded
\nin, turned.. he’s still here! SHIT! Ran away again, I’m hearing someone calling my name as I’m running away, stop and turn around. Jero’s right behind me.
\n“Um… hey, Jero.” I said, feeling slightly nervous speaking to someone Chris told me never to talk to, yet he looked as nervous as I was (maybe even more). Tried to relax (not seeing Chris around) and asked how he was doing. Said he was fine. Then I asked him “how are you and Chris doing?”
\nHe shook his head no, said “it’s over between us”. A sudden feeling of shame filled my mind, knowing I caused this.. because I couldn’t let go of the memories.
\n\"Winnie
\n“Oh shit, I’m sorry!… I hope it wasn’t because of me.” I said.<\/p>\n

…But he said: “no, it wasn’t”..
\n\"Shocked
\n“…HUH?! REALLY?!”<\/em>
\nHe explained that it turned out they weren’t compatible (or something like that. I can’t remember word-for-word what he said). But to show respect, I never asked when it happened.
\nAs we talked, suddenly my mind was all…
\n\"Emoji
\n“Huh.. now that the group is gone, I could take this as a window of opportunity to get back with him!! ..Holy FUCK!! YES!!! I have to ask Kat for that model again!”<\/em>
\nBut I also told myself..
\n\"Stop
\n“Don’t even fucking BRING IT UP that you want to get back together with him!! Let it come natural<\/span>, like it should had in the first place.”<\/em> He then apologized for what I went through with Chris, wanting to take the blame… and even possibly for the doubts that lead to us breaking up. Wow, this is huge. This is the first time he actually blamed himself for this! …Could there actually be hope that we might<\/em> get back together?
\nI also apologized for not letting him go for 6 months. But again, he said it was his fault. He didn’t want me to feel any blame for this. Well, I’m sorry Jero, but I have to correct you on this. Even though the doubts did<\/em> cause our downfall (and the formation of the group), not letting go of those memories.. isn’t<\/span> your fault.<\/p>\n

I told him about how the group is no more, how Blue’s with Cola, Fluffy’s.. well (I didn’t really want to bring that up, but he said Fluffy has talked to him). And I didn’t bring up Red (because.. ehh. Not a big deal). When the guy never messages me in Discord
\nanymore, I don’t really care for him anymore. Plus, he’s perfectly fine without me.
\nAlso told him how I’m trying to stay away from love drama. Says he can fully understand me, with him 30 years old and with no relationship. He’s bothered by it, but it doesn’t let it get in the way.
\nHe too is (or well was) a loner. And when I told him about “who would want a 43 year old who lives with their parents, and gets paid sitting on their ass?” Told me that living by yourself is even worse (to be happy I have my parents). I am, in ways. I feel safe in my house with my father having so many weapons and ready to defend us.
\nBut also feeling independent (not dealing with my father when I want to be lewd in VRChat one night) would also be nice.
\n–
\nAsked if I could friend him. Said he was about to ask me the same thing (and did). I’ve also unblocked and re-friended him in Discord. Thank the maker I no longer have to keep him blocked!
\n–
\nTried to show him my particles, but he wouldn’t see them. Rather odd. Stylez was also there at the time, and he didn’t see them either. We went to The Box (Ninja suggested this), but again it wouldn’t show up. This time, Stylez was seeing it at spawn instead of my hands, so was Dorrivix. But other friends were able to see the particles just fine…
\nVery strange! Drowsee the day before, saw my particles perfectly. So did another
\nfriend.
\nStylez suggested I ask DG, saying he’s messed with these ‘GPU Particles’ and might be able to help me make it where it can be seen by everyone. Hopefully he can.
\nIn the meantime, I snuggled Jero tightly. I could see him really enjoying it. How I miss those green eyes (and that chuckle), so much.<\/p>\n

We then went to go see some movies in the world I was in a few days before Christmas. The world’s UI got a facelift. It’s no longer movable, but it features something no other movie world I’ve seen.. has– actual images of the box art of every movie (to clearly see what the movie is about). I’m definitely<\/span><\/strong> coming back here, as they got a lot of the Studio Chibi manga’s (even ones I’ve never seen listed in the other movie world)!!
\nThey even have Cars 3! Holy shit! I know what I’m gonna be doing tomorrow. They also fixed it where playing a movie no longer freezes up my VR headset (it’s gotten majorly optimized since Christmas).
\nVery happy with that! This almost makes me want to donate $5 for the nice updates, as the person encoding the videos and stuff has to purchase more space to keep the world going.<\/p>\n

.
\nTo see Jero again, this is pretty huge. Honestly, I should do my best to play my cards right.
\nI feel I’ve been given another chance at this.. at least I hope I’m right. Claims he’s got no-one, yet who’s to say he would even be interested in me again?
\n\"You
\nTelling myself this would be very beneficial to me. Let’s not<\/span> rush things– not be scared he’s going to leave if I don’t ‘claim’ him. Because if he is<\/em> interested, he’ll be jumping at the chance (especially the fact I don’t have the group anymore).
\nThe only problem might be Frost’s group. What if he sticks to it (like he did with Chris)? That would completely ruin any chance of a relationship. And if it does, I have to accept this. I have to be happy for him.
\nWould be immature to be asking him at this time (if he’s going to stick to that plan). Just play it out, be myself, and see what happens. That’s all I can do right now.
\nDo NOT blow this possible chance to be happy!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I do not know how to properly title this without ‘revealing spoilers’, but something completely unexpected happened yesterday evening. So I’ll let you folks try to guess who I’m talking about. And, no cheating by skimming through this post until … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,26,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7828","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-drama","category-love-drama","category-personal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7828","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7828"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7828\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7904,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7828\/revisions\/7904"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7828"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7828"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7828"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}