{"id":7534,"date":"2019-10-24T03:36:57","date_gmt":"2019-10-24T07:36:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/?p=7534"},"modified":"2019-10-24T15:39:17","modified_gmt":"2019-10-24T19:39:17","slug":"the-crushing-reality-of-holding-onto-hope-for-a-past-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/2019\/10\/24\/the-crushing-reality-of-holding-onto-hope-for-a-past-love\/","title":{"rendered":"The crushing reality of holding onto hope for a past love"},"content":{"rendered":"

This was going to be a good day. Was with Red for a good while until he went to bed. Cola sadly never came on (or said hi, probably regretting staying up so late). But Jero actually came on tonight!
\nYet, everything went downhill; feeling like I’ve been lied to, and my hopes\/dreams have been shredded. Sometimes the truth is needed, even though it should had been given to you a LONG time ago.
\nSo what the fuck happened? It was on the tail end of a near failure of being with
\nJero (thanks to some ass clowns DDoSing the VRChat servers, who I personally wanted to SNAP THEIR FUCKING NECKS for doing that)… though this was never confirmed by the devs when the servers stabilized again.
\nI was showing Jero how to properly put something in his avatar’s mouth (no Kovo, not my hot dog :P) and invited him to go to Rock’N’Bowl (as they have food there). Also because he’s never been there, and I thought of taking him on memory lane (of the first week since I joined VRChat).
\nBoy was that<\/em> a mistake, being stuck in a infinite loading loop for 15-20 minutes until finally getting to an open instance. I didn’t care if it was Public, it was stable<\/strong>. Invited Jero and Fluffy and we hung there for an hour (while the DDoS Zombie Apocalypse happened outside). A few ‘survivors’ (friends of me and friends of my friends) joined us as we
\nbowled, talked and ate infinite fake food.
\nJero started talking of something going on, yet all he said was “wait” when I was worried about him. Then he said he needed to go and replace his batteries. Hmm.. why<\/em> do you need to go in order to replace your controller’s batteries? That’s kind of odd, yet I never thought of this. All that was on my mind was ‘surviving the apocalypse’.
\n–
\nA half an hour later, I received a message from Jero saying he “kind of got the goosebumps”, saying King Kandy (one of my friends who was with us) claiming he’s “up to something”. Then says Kandy “was streaming me deliberately with you because I’m kinda in a owo relationship with Chris in Frost’s group”. He kept talking about how he was concerned Kandy wanted this person to get pissed off thinking Jero was cheating on him with me. So it’s almost like Kandy doesn’t like Frost.
\nBut I didn’t care (at the time) about this ‘Chris’ getting pissed off, as you just pissed ME off by saying you were going to end your relationship, now you’re with someone ELSE.. after I had given you a chance to join the group (to where you’ll never have to deal with heartbreak again)?!
\nHe wouldn’t say much, only that this ‘Chris’ is “the blue fox” we were with when I was in that Spyro world. It was at this time when the servers were becoming more stable, but I felt too sick to remain in that world and went back to my homeworld. Fluffy joined me shortly after.
\nAll of that time when I was waiting for Jero to be alone in that world, his other BF was WITH US<\/strong>?! I’m pretty sure I never heard “I love you” come from Jero to either of
\nthem, but maybe it happened in private DMs that I will never see. I thought he was only hanging out with friends!
\n10 minutes after I joined my homeworld, I got an invite… from Jero. Fluffy, did you talk to him? Did you invite him? ..Did you stage this!?<\/strong> He swears up and down he had nothing to do with it. Alright, fine. Just calm the fuck down and try to get the answers out of
\nJero.
\nHe joined and I showed him the large mirror of this cube world. I sighed and tried my best to stay calm, carefully asking him about this ‘Chris’ (if he’s nice and stuff). He said yes he was, then mentioned he was getting an invite from him. Felt ‘you might as well be with your true love then’, but he actually wanted to be with us. I tried to dig
\ndeeper, and..well, apparently, this person Jero mentioned he rarely sees, was “one of Scooby’s friends” he claims. Yet how is that possible, when he has cut all ties with
\nScooby (and even calls him “an evil person”)? So, HOW?! Since you don’t like Scooby, then why<\/strong><\/em> were you dating one of his friends?!
\nFelt I would likely never get the answer to this confusing question. Plus I’m almost certain he said this person ‘was “one of Frost’s friends'”. I had no idea he has another BF! I assumed he was single again!! So WTF?!<\/p>\n

He then left to go be with this Chris, and then I<\/em> left for the night (with Fluffy pleading me to stay on because Blue was on)… feeling like someone shot me in the back. But later that morning, I calmed down and actually talked to Jero (not of the group or anything related to it). And he explained everything<\/span>.
\nThis ‘friend of Scooby’… was Scooby himself.
\n
\n…WHAT?! You mean to tell me that all of this time of when I asked you “so how’s your BF?”, you were talking about Scooby?! You NEVER mentioned him by name!! You made me assume, there were no other BF’s!
\n… God DAMMIT, Jero! When I asked you “so how’s your BF?”.. I wasn’t talking about Scooby<\/strong>!! WHY in the fuck did you bring him up?!
\n*heavy sigh*.. So this ‘Chris’ has been there with him for quite sometime (even when I originally asked him and told me he was with someone else). At least, that<\/em> part is true.
\nSo, it was pointless to ask if he wanted to be part of the group. And so I’m forced to say to himself “Ben, Jero is GONE!! You’ll NEVER win his heart back! GET OVER IT!! ..Be happy you got Cola, Red and Blue who still love<\/strong> you!” And all I can do is start crying that I’ve lost my chance with Jero, and wishing I never was in Kovo’s world at that day and time when I first met him.
\nBut if it wasn’t for Jero (and the serious doubts I had).. the group would’ve never been
\nformed, and I would had never met Fluffy. Deep down I feel Jero still loves me (and wishes he could join the group), but… I have to face reality: it’s over, and both of us have to move on. He’s happy, and I should<\/em> be happy (knowing I have three very sweet and adorable souls who absolutely love me to bits).<\/p>\n

*sighs* …Jero my friend, I hope you and this ‘Chris’ will be happy for the remainder of time. I pray he treats you with respect and absolute love, as I did. It was fun, and the memories we had will never die. May your love with Chris, never die.
\nBut, I must move on. For I have cola070, RedFox, and BlueBio who love me very, very<\/em> much (and I love them too). \ud83d\ude0a
\nMy friendship with Jero will remain perfectly intact, though. That is all I’m going to see him as; a good friend. Nothing less, nothing more.<\/p>\n

.
\nTo wrap up this post, I talked to Kandy this morning and inquired knowledge if he was indeed trying to raise hell to make Jero look bad.. or if it was simply a case of misunderstanding. And it (thankfully) was the latter; told me he had no malice intent, and was sorry that Jero felt this.
\nSo I asked if he could talk to him, and he said he would. Glad there will be no drama there.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This was going to be a good day. Was with Red for a good while until he went to bed. Cola sadly never came on (or said hi, probably regretting staying up so late). But Jero actually came on tonight! … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,26,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7534","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-drama","category-love-drama","category-personal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7534","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7534"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7534\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7540,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7534\/revisions\/7540"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7534"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7534"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7534"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}