{"id":7498,"date":"2019-10-08T13:25:58","date_gmt":"2019-10-08T17:25:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/?p=7498"},"modified":"2019-10-10T22:25:16","modified_gmt":"2019-10-11T02:25:16","slug":"am-i-just-being-stupid-or-am-i-seeing-warning-signs-of-the-group","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/2019\/10\/08\/am-i-just-being-stupid-or-am-i-seeing-warning-signs-of-the-group\/","title":{"rendered":"Am I just being stupid, or am I seeing warning signs (of the group)?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Yet another “where do I even start with this?” blog post. My thoughts are everywhere, and I’m not even sure if I should come on VRChat. Sitting here for two hours, just trying to think of words to express what I’m going through is impossible. And as I said I feel like I’m just being stupid and nothing’s going to happen.
\nBut I guess I better start explaining myself.. alright. Well, it’s been happening since Cola got those mods. What I saw, he was hanging out with Blue (obviously to thank him for showing how to install them). Yet the way he was hanging out with Blue, made me concerned Cola is actually showing feelings toward him (but Blue isn’t seeing it, nor have I ever told him this). I just, keep feeling Cola is ‘cheating’ on me (all because of my age).
\nI keep being reminded of what Luna told me, how Cola’s brain “is everywhere”. And the next day it’s like all of my feelings were wiped clean.
\n–
\nYesterday, was a strange day. Strange as in the way Cola was acting. See, I was on earlier than normal as I was testing colliders on something that I rather not disclose. I also saw someone I haven’t seen on in a long time (that I have some feelings for). And no it’s not Jero, it’s Muumiankka (creator of the Sunken Boi). The only thing that stops me from really getting to know them more, is a language barrier (can barely understand him as his accent is so unique yet also cute).
\nAnd holy fuck, moving his giant floppy ears around, is so<\/strong> satisfying. I stayed with him for awhile until Cola showed up (as a Nanachi), then Muum wanted to go somewhere else to check out these interesting blob avatars.
\nBit later, Cola goes to a Friends+ instance of Avatar Testing. I decide to join him instead of being with Muum. Found Cola in the dark room section of the world, and was talking about how nice his avatar looks (that he did a great job). Then the next thing I know, he sits down infront of the mirror, then lays on his back, spreads his legs and motions for me to fuck him.. right then and there.
\nUhh, Cola? You do<\/em> realize we’re in a Friends+ instance, right? Anyone can walk in and see us! Yet he’s acting like he doesn’t care and keeps motioning for me to fuck him. And guess what happened.. someone walks in. Luckily I heard them coming and stopped myself before they could see it.
\nGot Cola alone when things died down and was all “are you sure you don’t want to go to a private world? Just when I do it, I don’t like knowing others are going to see it.” Yet he looked unphased by my words.
\n—
\nThis morning, I was with Blue and Cola with a bunch of other friends in a Friends+ instance of Bedroom Theatre. The instance began to get really laggy (and packed) with more and more people joining. So I thought of going back to my homeworld and inviting the two to hang with me.
\nCola’s still in his Nanachi, and Blue’s commenting about it. I wanted to tell Blue right then and there about what Cola did to me, but I couldn’t say it infront of him. Instead I kept quiet about it while Blue got in his Nanachi, and noticed he had a tail boner (from laying down and Cola’s colliders causing it to happen). Then I saw Cola spreading his legs as if he wanted Blue to fuck him. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, but I kept my mouth
\nshut (scared I would say anything bad about Cola). And Blue (who I knew was
\njoking) went with it (using his tail boner in a way).
\nThe FUCK is going ON, Cola?! You haven’t been lewd in a month since you actually wanted to do it with me, then you go Nanachi and become lewd twice?! When I saw you with that model, I assumed he got it because he liked the design.. not to become one of them.
\nI was literally shaking of what I saw, then I heard Blue say in a shy tone “Benie, come stroke my tail boner!” I was already extremely uncomfortable, but I tried my best to shake it off and just go with it. I then said in a hushed tone “I feel so uncomfortable right now.”
\n20 seconds after I said this, Blue says “you think you’re uncomfortable, I feel uncomfortable when I lick your dick” …Well that just made a bad thing even worse.
\nI quietly messaged him about it sometime later, if he was actually serious about that comment. Says he actually enjoys it, but is just generally worried of someone walking in and seeing him. That is understandable, but what was going on still had me
\nspeechless.
\nI wanted to talk to Cola about this, I really did. But I was too scared I’ll say the wrong thing and he’ll leave me. Was at this time Aftershock wanted to join, and I decided to invite him while I left the two at the mirror. We talked in the white room about Cola and I asked him if he could talk to Cola for me, but he said he couldn’t as he didn’t know Cola that
\nwell, and wanted me to. And I tried, but ended up chickening out and went to go see
\nNigh (just to get my mind off of this, not to tell him).<\/p>\n

Saw him with a few friends, then he saw me looking upset (but I tried my best to hide
\nit.. failed to do a good job). So I asked him “ever have one of those days when a good thing goes bad?”, he said “yes, lots of times”. But before I could continue, I waited patiently as other friends were well within earshot of hearing me. When they all left, I proceeded to tell him everything, and asked if he would be willing tell Cola for me and he said yes.
\nTook him back to my homeworld, where Blue and Cola were still in (and still by the mirror). Left him to do the deed while I waited in the white room. A half an hour passed and Nigh came into the room, telling me that he told him. Plus something about to talk with Blue or Cola.. forgot what he exactly said, but I thanked him. He said “just note whatever happens, I did my best” and I said “I definitely appreciate it. Thank you so much.”
\nHe left and I came out of the room and went over to the mirror.. saw Cola was gone but Blue’s still there. And all Blue did was ask me where I went. Told him where I was, and that I had to go see Nigh. Blue then mentions all of that time, Cola wanted him to watch them work on projects (and has been for some time of watching them make things).
\nNow a smart person would see this and feel it’s “just a friend thing”.. but I dunno.<\/p>\n

.
\nHonestly though, I did nothing wrong here. Just Cola going through one of his things again (of not using good judgement). I just hope this doesn’t mean he’s going to block me for not coming to him directly about this, that he understands I was legitimately terrified to do so.
\nI also hope he learns from this. I don’t mind (at all) to do it with him… but not when anyone can just walk in and see us. If the world had a private room that can be
\nlocked, then I would have no problem.
\n…Though I’m not even sure if wanting to do it with Blue was also him not using good judgement. The only thing that counters it, is my confidence Blue’s 100% loyal to
\nme (which is why I knew he was only joking with giving Cola what he wants).
\n*sighs*<\/em> I just wish Cola was also fully loyal, then I wouldn’t be having to make this
\npost. \ud83d\ude26<\/p>\n

—
\nEDIT, 10\/10\/19: So I didn’t overreact, but I clearly didn’t use good judgement. And neither did Cola. Just going to go straight to the point here; actually talked to Cola ingame this morning. I had to, or this was going to drive me insane and put me on another emotional rollercoaster.
\nJoined his private world and asked him to please check the messages. He did and asked me “is this about the day I showed you my Nanachi?”– almost feeling like a ‘Really…? I mean.. really? You can’t be serious’ moment. Hesitated, then said “Y–yes, yes I am.” Then I could hear the tone of his voice was not happy, like a frustrated tone, saying “I was showing you my glowing butthole that I did. No it’s not that I wanted to do it in a Friends+ world.”
\nWait.. what? But I didn’t actually see it! You didn’t even TELL me that!! Asked him “why didn’t you tell me this in Discord?” He said “I have a small brain”. Pfft.. not as small as mine for reacting before thinking. He said “impossible” to that statement. But whatever. At least that part has been discussed.. now about that part where it looked like you wanted to do it with Blue. Said “What was I supposed to think??”
\nHe said “I completely understand”, and I could feel he actually could understand how I reacted like that. But I never told him about how for sometime, I assumed him and Blue had a thing for eachother. I said “I’m sorry I overreacted”. He said “you were only protecting, and I respect that.”
\nThough, “protecting” wasn’t even on my mind; you cheating on me with Blue, was<\/em>.
\nBut I no longer feel this. Cola only wanted to show off his work to Blue, nothing more. It was only “a friend thing” (which is what I was trying to hammer into my head), and it was dumb of me to assume otherwise.
\n–
\nSo it’s all good now. Just wonder when’s the next time I’m going to have an issue with him not telling me everything (instead of making me assume the worst).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yet another “where do I even start with this?” blog post. My thoughts are everywhere, and I’m not even sure if I should come on VRChat. Sitting here for two hours, just trying to think of words to express what … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,26,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7498","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-drama","category-love-drama","category-personal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7498","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7498"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7498\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7505,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7498\/revisions\/7505"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7498"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7498"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7498"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}