{"id":7428,"date":"2019-09-16T12:44:33","date_gmt":"2019-09-16T16:44:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/?p=7428"},"modified":"2019-09-17T19:48:38","modified_gmt":"2019-09-17T23:48:38","slug":"oh-no-not-again-am-i-losing-interest-with-the-group-colas-mistake","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/2019\/09\/16\/oh-no-not-again-am-i-losing-interest-with-the-group-colas-mistake\/","title":{"rendered":"…Oh no, not again! \/ Am I losing interest with the group?! \/ Cola’s mistake"},"content":{"rendered":"

Lots to talk about, with the majority of things happening today (and one happening last night). First, the thing that happened.. that to this day still has me very much on
\nedge, if a certain issue has resurfaced.
\n——————————-
\n…Oh no, not again!<\/strong><\/em>
\nSo last night, I was in the ‘Room of the rain’ watching random YouTube videos with a few friends (including Blue and Fluffy). I wasn’t feeling good at the time, and there’s a reason for this that’ll be explained (in detail) in the next segment.
\nSo I’m watching videos in VR, trying my best to enjoy myself. Suddenly.. the screen freezes in the headset. I’m trying not to say “oh no.. OH NO!! NOT AGAIN!!!” Blue screen happens and I take off my headset, but I also notice VRChat still running in the background for a good 45 seconds (as if nothing happened). Plus, MR Portal is also acting like “problem? What<\/em> problem? Everything’s working fine!” Uhh.. HELLO!! BLUESCREEN IN MY HEADSET!!!
\nWhile that was happening, I started getting notifications about an issue with my sound settings. Finally MR Portal crashed, telling me to ‘Check your display cable’. Yet VRChat didn’t fully crash.
\nI closed VRChat out, and MR Portal somehow repaired itself and showed ‘Ready’. ..I think VRChat just froze up my headset. Because if it was a driver error (like the issue was
\nbefore), VRChat would had crashed with MR Portal. The fact it was still running in the background as if nothing happened (while my headset was all “OH FUCK!!”), perplexes me.
\nAnd as I said, since then I’ve really<\/span><\/strong> been on edge. \ud83d\ude2c To think, if this issue started happening just. like. before (with my old headset)…
\n\"\"
\nSo far though, this has only happened.. ONCE. And I pray it stays<\/strong> like that.
\nLet’s move on, to something more pressing.
\n———————————–
\nAm I losing interest with the group?!<\/strong><\/em>
\nEver had one of those moments where you feel you need to ask ‘me, myself, and I’ a question, of just what the FUCK is going on in your brain? Ever since yesterday, I had one of those moments, because no one asked me if I was OK of the strange way I was
\nacting (avoiding friends, even my group and feeling depressed for no reason). When I should be happy I’m with the ones I love.. why do I feel I’m “getting bored with them”?!
\nWhat is WRONG with me??<\/p>\n

…I believe it has to do with Fluffy, being in my group. I still<\/em> do not love him like he loves
\nme (as a lover). I love him, as an RP son. And I wish on Gods green Earth, he would see this and leave the group. But that’s not the only reason I. don’t. want. him. there!! I still feel he’s “sharing” my love with the group; hanging with them when I do (even longer than I do). There’s been several instances, where I feel he’s trying to take the group away from me.
\nInstance 1:<\/strong> After we had ‘done it’ one day and I was quite tired for not getting much sleep the night before, I wake up to see a random invite to a world where Cola and Blue are in.
\nInstance 2:<\/strong> Few days ago, when I was showing Red Fox the dances I did for him, Fluffy was getting in his face (and mine). He has done this to Cola too.
\nInstance 3:<\/strong> After completing updates to the group dances, I see him and Red Fox ingame for a long time– Fluffy not responding to a single message, which was VERY odd. Went ingame, and see the two in a world.. together with other Russian friends of Red.<\/p>\n

So, some questions and answers;
\nQ1: Do you feel he’s doing this intentionally?
\nA1: Absolutely not<\/strong>. He’s too nice to do something like that. He just keeps forgetting, this is MY group!!
\nQ2: Is this a sign of jealousy from me, in a non-commitment group?
\nA2: No. I call it “protecting” what I worked hard to achieve.
\nQ3: You claim this is “non-commitment”. Is this truly “protecting”, or “treating them like your property” and not allowing anyone else to love them (which is the opposite of non-commitment)?
\nA3: This is a gray area. I have no problem with others loving them. If I know the person well who has good intentions, they are welcome to love.. but on their own time. The problem with Fluffy is he also loves me<\/em>.
\nQ4: Have you asked them what they thought of Fluffy? Do they want him gone, or do they actually love him<\/span> too? Pretty sure they’ll be pissed at you if they find out you made him leave.
\nA4: They might<\/em> be saddened of the news, but it’s not worth asking them: pretty sure they really won’t care or be pissed off at me. I know Red Fox still loves me very much (even with what’s going on).<\/p>\n

Look, I have absolutely nothing against Fluffy (as a person). But again, I do. not<\/em>. love him any more than the first time I met him (when he became my son). I’m not even that into RP as I once was (it died out years ago). When I love someone (a lot), it’s not RP, it’s
\nreal.
\nI just… want things to get back to what they were; when Fluffy was my son and I was his father. But for anyone to tell him “I’m sorry, but you cannot be in the group anymore”, his heart is going to be torn in billions of pieces!! I don’t want that to happen! I’ll never forgive myself if he does something he’ll regret!
\nSo, that’s why I’m not making the same mistake as before (telling Fluffy directly). For my concerns have gone to Aftershock (in a DM). I pray he isn’t dealing with any drama and has a clear enough head to deal with this, because Fluffy trusts him (and so do I). And I feel he’ll be able to.. ‘ween’ Fluffy away from loving me (and the rest of the group) as a lover.
\nAfter all.. he’s partially responsible for the way Fluffy has turned into. Fluffy used to be my happy son, and I was his happy father. I just feel.. better off as a father figure to him instead of a lover– instead of, feeling I’m having to do things I don’t want to (for him).
\nI’m tired of this. Since it’s causing me to lose interest in the ones I love because of him.. I HAVE to do something!!<\/p>\n

—
\nEDIT: Spoken to Aftershock who’s now dealing with Fluffy. Turns out, he never wanted to be in any relationship with him; he was only being a good friend (but Fluffy saw it more).
\nSo this means I’m wrong for saying he’s “partially responsible”. Like myself, he<\/em> doesn’t want a romantic relationship.
\nFluffy also loves Blue.. a lot (to the point Aftershock said to me that Fluffy could “have an easy reason” to date him with how this is a friends with benefits group), then told me to ask Blue and see if he truly loves Fluffy.
\nSo I did, and he responded quite quick for someone playing Borderlands 3 at the time. Said he felt pretty shaken up and doesn’t love him (and wants to stay in the group). So there you go, case closed.
\nFluffy responded sometime later, claiming he wasn’t mad (just upset). I assumed at the time he also understood Blue doesn’t love him like he loves him.. he didn’t until much later in the night when he finally read it, and THEN he was mad (at me). Not my fault you tried to take Blue (and the others) away from me, thinking this is still a poly. He’s also going after Blue, who I’m trying to tell him that this isn’t his fault.
\nGot to a point (since Aftershock wasn’t helping me out) where I was forced to ‘adult up’ and tell Fluffy to stop this foolishness. You go after my friends (even as my friend), we have a problem.<\/p>\n

I had to work up a compromise to keep the peace (and friendships intact)– be willing to let Blue go if<\/em> Fluffy finds a way to win his heart (but Blue must also<\/span> leave the group if that happens). At first he didn’t understand what I was saying (and literally assuming how I want to “keep Blue to myself”) ….I never said that. Stop putting words in my mouth. But as quickly as that escalated, it also just as quickly defused (where he apologized to Blue). I was still very annoyed at Fluffy for going after Blue, as he had nothing<\/strong> to do with this. But with Fluffy apologizing (and Blue accepting it), I calmed down. But I still wanted the two to talk this over, trying to actually help Fluffy out.
\nDecided to invite them to my private instance, and waited for the two to talk. A half an hour passed and it looked like everything was good. And even better.. Fluffy is my son again!
\n
\nNo more of this “hun” crap coming from him! I feel as if an enormous weight has been lifted from my cheat. And to make it up to him, I’m going to give him the dances I set up of his avatar, by using his avatar to spawn them
\nin (not to mention send him a fixed version, that he should be able to set the viewpoint correctly).
\nAnd this weekend, I’m going to teach him how to set up the dance system (so he can do it himself). So I’m going to be quite busy tomorrow. Weee. But at least.. this time of doing it for Fluffy, will be the last.
\n…Only thing that bothers me, is if Blue actually decides to leave the group to be with
\nFluffy, this is going to cause a big hole that will need to be filled up. Knowing Fluffy, he’s not going to back down until Blue loves him instead of me. So I will ‘fight back’ to keep Blue in the group.
\nBut that decision is still up to him. If he wants to leave, he is welcomed to. Right now, he has no intention of doing so. But I’m sure he’ll let me know in advance if he actually decides to do it. And at this time, I know no-one that could ‘replace’ him. Could get
\nJero, but I haven’t spoken to him since my birthday.<\/p>\n

Now, finally time to discuss the final segment;
\n———————————–
\nCola’s “mistake”<\/strong> and burying the hatchet with Chris<\/span><\/em>
\nSo Cola did a bad thing about 2-3 days ago, but he<\/em> doesn’t see it being a bad thing (and feels the person overreacted).
\nAnd that person, is one of my very good friends: Acid Claws (or KillowLAD as he is ingame). Well, Cola decided to one day, do his skin as the Best Boi 2.0 model. I liked it, but I asked “did you show it to Acid?”, and he shook his head.
\nToday when I followed Cola into a game world, he showed off his work to Acid.. and he wasn’t too happy about it. But he didn’t make a scene there (good thing too). ..But I<\/em> did, as Chris was there (and I had him blocked). Yes, I said “had”. I will explain later.
\nAnd that later, is now. Was in a Russian world hanging with Red Fox (while Fluffy was there). But with what was going on in my mind with Chris feeling like he was stalking
\nme, I needed some time to myself.
\nI saw Acid show up and waved at him to come up, then told him about Chris. He said that it’s a “rare quiescence” we keep bumping into eachother, and then wanted me to bury the hatchet by talking to him. …So I did, and we’re ‘neutral friends’ now. I actually feel better after doing so. Might do a similar thing with Ashi, but I’m not sure. I keep hearing mixed messages about him.
\n–
\nGoing back to Acid, this is when he told me about Cola.. and how he didn’t ask him for permission to do this. Well damn. Why didn’t<\/em> Cola do that? No idea. Acid also told me that Cola asked him where he got his squeak sounds, wanting to do a full-on copy of his avatar.
\nThat’s, not cool. Cola should had asked for permission before doing this. But I would assume in Cola’s defense, he’s only doing this to show his friendship (which he did for Nigh and Vale, who didn’t react like Acid did).
\nHe just, seems to have a funny way of showing friendship (that not everyone appreciates).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Lots to talk about, with the majority of things happening today (and one happening last night). First, the thing that happened.. that to this day still has me very much on edge, if a certain issue has resurfaced. ——————————- …Oh … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22,25,26,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7428","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-computing","category-drama","category-love-drama","category-personal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7428","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7428"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7428\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7434,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7428\/revisions\/7434"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7428"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7428"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7428"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}