{"id":7198,"date":"2019-07-07T12:36:07","date_gmt":"2019-07-07T16:36:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/?p=7198"},"modified":"2019-07-08T12:44:54","modified_gmt":"2019-07-08T16:44:54","slug":"cant-even-think-of-one-right-now","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/2019\/07\/07\/cant-even-think-of-one-right-now\/","title":{"rendered":"Can’t even think of one right now."},"content":{"rendered":"

I really don’t know if it’s even worth making this blog post (or even giving it a title). Kovo says to “not worry about it”… easy for you to say. Because I feel confused, heart-
\nbroken, and frustrated. And this time, it has nothing<\/span> to do with love drama.
\nWas another one of those days with highs and lows (though, a lot more lows.. a lot
\nmore). And what’s worse, it may not be over yet… it could easily get worse.
\nSo I’m just going to skip right to the lows, of what was supposed to be a high (hanging out with Cola and other friends) came crashing down on my head with real life pushing against my chair.
\nWas mother, telling me to put my AC(Air Conditioner) on its energy saver, with how much it’s been dripping outside and attracting mosquitoes. I don’t remember why I didn’t just get up and do so, but I think it was her attitude. She was blaming my computer for producing so much heat and telling me to turn it off. And being drug out of my virtual life isn’t something I’m going to take lightly.
\nDid my damnest to defend myself, saying it wasn’t my computer, but one of the two side panels of the AC had fallen off and would be considered ‘flapping in the wind’ causing heat to come into the room and making it work harder than it needs to. Tried to think of a compromise by moving the unit to the other window. Thought we were just going to settle with that, yet she says no and tells me to leave it on energy saver and use a fan when it gets too hot. Then telling me that if it still drips, I would lose the unit altogether.
\nMother… I cannot control what mother nature does. It is only getting hotter, and
\nhotter, due to climate change!! So how about you help me afford an AC that doesn’t
\ndrip, or SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! And no, I didn’t tell her the STFU part. I’m not that stupid.
\nBut fine, I will leave it on energy saver, and I will try to seal up the hole tomorrow. But tomorrow apparently isn’t an option– they want it done NOW<\/em>, and I want to get back to my friends! Then my father gives the ‘brilliant idea’ to just turn my computer off at midnight, and mentions it in a way where I wanted to stab myself in the heart (if it didn’t fucking hurt). It has to do with ‘acting the part’ of the whole friends with benefits
\nthing, and that’s as far as I’m going to say without publicly humiliating myself. All I can say is it’s something I could had prevented, and it also frustrates me at the same time why I’m ‘not allowed’ to have fun like this. Yet at the same time… I can understand that they’re concerned. They have no fucking clue what I’m doing in my room, and I need to stop
\nthe.. moaning, before it gets any worse. :\/
\n–
\nAnyway, when I was able to finally sit down in my chair so I could THINK, I decided “okay they aren’t going to leave me alone until I do something. Let’s just find a measuring tape and see what I can find at 1 in the fucking morning<\/strong>!”
\nGot up and went into the kitchen, looking in the drawers and found a tape. Mother was talking to father at the time (probably something about me, which ‘encouraged’ me that I should look before this escalates any further).
\nWent outside and was getting ready to measure it. Then I saw mother grabbing the flap and trying to pull it while I started measuring. Then she’s telling me to come in the house as father has an idea to seal it up.
\nI do, and hold it as mother tries to tape the flap place. Then she leaves and gets a few nails to secure it enough until Summer is over, then I’ll buy a new AC that won’t drip. And I seriously doubt this is going to be the end of this hell.<\/p>\n

Finally I was done and I could go back to my friends in VRChat. Saw Cola still online (the only reason why I wanted to come back). Saw everyone was in Kovo’s world (Furry Village). Didn’t see Cola anywhere around. Kovo saw me and walked over, and said “Cola just went offline. I know why you showed up. I can read minds” and chuckled a little. But virtual sex was the least thing I was thinking of; just wanted to cuddle with him. Cola did<\/em> come back though, but I was also dealing with others. And one time it almost got ugly with a friend while trying to apologize for not saying hi to him (with him being in a bad
\nmood).
\nSaid “sorry”, then walked off. Heard him talking to me. Stopped and turned back around and talked to him, who’s also dealing with shit. Told him about the recent thing with my parents. He felt me and apologized for what I went through. Said he’s been dealing with drama with people threatening to commit suicide, and said “one of them I believe knows you”.
\nOk, you got my interest. Who? He said “Chris”. And it’s funny enough that I decided to unblock him yesterday, as Kovo claimed the guy was sorry for what he did. He acted like he was reading my DMs with him (even knows about this argument with Bella). How in the fuck do you have access to my DMs?! That’s creepy. Said Chris told him
\neverything. ..Hmm. Well, good luck to you! Though it was more of someone else joining which took the guy’s attention away from me.
\nWent to the mirror and hung out. Saw Cola as a marshmallow birb (that can light itself on fire). I jokenly said in my sexy voice “are you on fire or are you just happy to see me?” Everyone else laughed while Cola turned around and shook his head yes.
\n–
\nThe next thing that happened (nothing major) was Kovo feeling that my son should be able to now upload avatars. A few days ago, I had him create a VRChat account (so he can eventually do so). Insanely called me in a group chat and I tried to walk him through the steps to grab the SDK and install it. And after him grabbing the files Kovo sent to me (with no context on what I was supposed to do with them as I couldn’t upload it to my son’s account due to it not going to allow me.. yet, to do so), he ran into an issue I’ve never seen before. So we brought Kovo in and eventually did figure out what it was.
\nThis. took. an HOUR, until he was able to finally upload the model. And it was mostly of us trying to teach him what “move your mouse X” meant. He also, like my mother, doesn’t seem to know his right from left. It was painful, and it’s not even done yet (there’s still a few issues I’ve noticed).
\nI might do the work myself, now that I know he can upload avatars, and upload it to his account.<\/p>\n

However, that’s paused until another issue can be fixed. And this issue is something beyond my capabilities of helping; something Insanely’s actual parents should had taught him. It was just after helping Breezy with his love drama (and I was feeling stressed over not knowing what to tell him, feeling I’m going to give him the wrong advice). So I went to my new private world (Moody, the one I said would be once I upgrade my
\nhardware. Now that I have, I can use it to get Jero out of my mind).
\nBreezy’s issue, after finally (sort of) figuring out what was going on.. so I could think of a solution for him, is the tale of two cuddle buddies. One of them he says has no issues, and the other was drunk one night. Once I finally felt my head was clear, I told him to confront the drunk one and basically tell him that he needs to make a choice if he wants to be Breezy’s cuddle buddy or go see others.
\nHe wanted to explore the rest of the world, so I showed him around a bit. Sitting down on a bed, he told me he was going to bed.. and actually fell asleep in VR. Kind of cute, but I wanted to go back and see my son (and left him there).
\nAnd this is where things went south.. fast. Expected a slow night where I probably would be going to bed early (or maybe watch some movies.. I dunno). But Jedi Blue Foxy (one of my friends) came up and yelling “Benie! Benie! You have to control your son!” I’m thinking “ok.. what is Kovo doing this<\/em> time?” Told me to follow him. I did, and I see my son facing away from us as if he’s upset. Kovo says that he’s not talking to him. So I went over and comforted Insanely as much as I can. Jedi tried to explain what’s going on, but I only heard bits and pieces of the story (before it got switched to a question about Unity).
\n—
\nInsanely started ignoring us, running away everytime we tried to comfort him. This is almost childish of what he’s doing. Kovo then talks to him in a DM, and finds out another thing that’s bugging Insanely; Aftershock dumped him (at this time, I don’t know the reason or the story that lead up to it, nor am I going to ask him as he’s too mentally unstable right now).
\nAfter finding out, I tried to talk sense into him about what I went through with Jero. But he ran away. This is starting to annoy me, especially when Kovo agreed to give him
\nspace (yet keeps going to him trying to get an answer out of him). I felt like anytime, he was going to ‘disown’ us as his RP father and uncle, which made me sad while thinking about it. Lost Jero, I don’t want to lose him too.
\nKovo then wanted to talk to me privately, where I was able to let out my growing frustration of Insanely’s foolishness to every attempt we make to make him understand that no means no. Kovo feels that his parents didn’t raise him up right (that he may’ve been spoiled), which hit a chord in my own life. Told him that I too wasn’t raised
\nright (never was taught the importance of effort).
\nAs we talked, Scooby came running up to us, abit concerned what’s going on. He wanted to help but he knew he couldn’t, and it frustrated him (and kept coming to me wanting to know why he couldn’t). That’s when I saw Insanely run up to us and stay. I extended my hand in friendship, hoping he would see that I want to help him out. And he actually came up to me. Scooby is still asking me why he can’t help anyone.
\nOy vey.. Scooby!! Please! I will tell you! I explained it the ‘best’ way I could.. the way I’ve mentioned but am tired of doing so; not everyone can be helped, and will push away any help as they’re stubborn. Finally he had his sad answer. ..Hard to believe there are others that have the same mindset as I do (when he said “yes, I know. But it still hurts. I just want to make people happy!”)
\nThen my 5am bedtime alarm started ringing in my ears a minute after Insanely said he’s going to bed (to Kovo). Scooby ran off to talk to others.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I really don’t know if it’s even worth making this blog post (or even giving it a title). Kovo says to “not worry about it”… easy for you to say. Because I feel confused, heart- broken, and frustrated. And this … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7198","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-drama","category-personal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7198","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7198"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7198\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7201,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7198\/revisions\/7201"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7198"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7198"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7198"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}