{"id":6638,"date":"2019-03-16T03:28:05","date_gmt":"2019-03-16T07:28:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/?p=6638"},"modified":"2019-03-16T13:07:59","modified_gmt":"2019-03-16T17:07:59","slug":"the-things-i-do-for-love-ends-in-another-heartbreak","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/2019\/03\/16\/the-things-i-do-for-love-ends-in-another-heartbreak\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;The things I do for love!&#8221; ends in another heartbreak"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/qVk5Ct3rVGU\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><br \/>\nCourage uttering those words is my will finally bending (willing to be Bi), hoping me and blueberry actually could be more than just friends. But, at the end, it just &#8220;didn&#8217;t work out&#8221;. And just like me and Lunar, I&#8217;m the one with a broken heart.<br \/>\nSo that happened? ..Deja Vu happened. Today I asked him a question I should had been asking from the start (as in, before even the whole thing with Lunar happened); a question of age. He took offense to it, saying I would look at him differently. I told him I wouldn&#8217;t.<br \/>\n&#8211;<br \/>\nLater, I was on VRChat and told Scooby that I actually had an emotional attachment to blueberry. He actually managed to convince me it&#8217;s nothing to be ashamed<br \/>\nabout, especially saying &#8220;this is your chance to be happy, take it&#8221;. So I opened up to blueberry and told him how I really felt about him, and put my headset back on feeling it would be similar to Lunar (of trying it again). But he said &#8220;i cant&#8221;.<br \/>\nConfused why all the sudden that I&#8217;m now willing to bend for him, that he&#8217;s doing this to me, I ask and then he asks me &#8220;how old are you benie&#8221;. &#8230;I froze right there, realizing I just messed up again. And that&#8217;s not all that happened, as about 30 seconds later, Aftershock DMs me and says &#8220;I will come after you if you do, because I&#8217;m protecting him&#8221;.<br \/>\nThrew down my headset and logged out of the game&#8230; I was so. fucking. DONE with VRChat after that!! Blueberry asked me &#8220;why did you leave vrchat?&#8221; I told him how I was disgusted at myself, what Aftershock sent me, and how I&#8217;m done.<\/p>\n<p>I couldn&#8217;t help but cry after that. What the HELL, Aftershock?! Let blueberry make up his own decision!! You&#8217;re not his mother or father! &#8230; 10 minutes pass and blueberry pleads me not to quit the game. I told him &#8220;this is just a repeat of how this all got started&#8221;.<br \/>\nTold him about Lunar, and his response was &#8220;i feel soo bad&#8221;. This went on for awhile until Aftershock attempted to apologize and say &#8220;I was just defending blueberry&#8221;, telling me what happened between himself and Wildboy&#8230; also saying &#8220;blueberry is <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">only 12 years old<\/span>&#8220;.<br \/>\nWTFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU&#8211;!!! ..I did it AGAIN! GOD DAMNIT!! Thankfully Aftershock understood me, and I told him &#8220;I now see why it was wise to end it&#8221;. We talked for awhile and asked me if I&#8217;m willing to remain friends with them, and I said Yes. But blueberry never came back on VRChat, and I could feel my mind becoming more and more mentally unstable, wanting to talk it over with <em>any<\/em>one in hopes they&#8217;ll make me feel better, but also wanting a guarantee they won&#8217;t be creeped out.<br \/>\nWhile that&#8217;s going on, Scooby is trying (again) to become a boyfriend to<br \/>\nBlueDrago, claiming they talk a lot and stuff. But something happened when I got back ingame, where he&#8217;s upset about something and being told to &#8220;not worry about it&#8221;. I assumed he&#8217;s literally doing the same thing I did with Lunar (trying again), but that isn&#8217;t the case. Something about Scooby thinks he annoyed Blue, where he&#8217;s being told to give Blue some time to cool down.<br \/>\n&#8211;<br \/>\nGoing back to me and Aftershock, I told him about Phox and what he said to me (about how affection isn&#8217;t gay). Aftershock said &#8220;it&#8217;s ok you were misunderstood, it&#8217;s not your fault&#8221;.<br \/>\nOh, that&#8217;s just great. So I was right, that it <em>was<\/em> gay. &#8230;Bleh. So many conflicting words going through my mind.<\/p>\n<p>I seriously need a break from VRChat; play my other VR games.. just do <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">something<\/span> to get my mind off of this. Just until Sparky gets back to the states, from helping family members in Mexico with a farm. There I can talk to him about this, as he&#8217;s helped me before.<br \/>\nThere&#8217;s also something else&#8230; Aftershock mentioned of a community I can join, that helps with these kind of things. He said it will help me no longer feel sadness and depression.<br \/>\nI&#8217;m nearly tempted to join it, though I don&#8217;t know what level of hell I&#8217;m going to have to go through to achieve a feeling of not letting heartbreak bug me anymore.<br \/>\n&#8230;Plus, will they be able to break through my stubbornness, if they tell me the way to end my suffering is to change my life (like Rivers said)? Would I be willing to accept their advice, when I couldn&#8217;t accept Rivers&#8217;?<\/p>\n<p>I doubt it. That&#8217;s why I can&#8217;t do it. So, I have to go through the process of mentally healing all over again, on my own. And this time, I have less friends than I had before (since I lost Phox due to his own hatred of Creepery). He was the only one who helped me heal<br \/>\nenough, because of his soothing voice.<br \/>\nPersonally, the only real way I&#8217;ll be able to heal is to hang out with blueberry and Aftershock (as friends). Though why the two couldn&#8217;t come on VRChat at my time of<br \/>\nneed, is beyond me. It&#8217;s like they don&#8217;t really care as much as I thought. Plus last night, I had accidentally upsetted blue when it finally hit him how wrong this was. He calls himself stupid, and won&#8217;t tell me why.. other than that I&#8217;ll &#8220;never understand&#8221; and &#8220;noone will&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>I feared he would take his life, and then Aftershock would be after my ass. Thankfully he isn&#8217;t going to do that, saying that as long as he has him, he&#8217;ll never think that. That&#8217;s<br \/>\ngood, you keep thinking that. Because the last thing I want on my mind is a pissed off Aftershock.<br \/>\nAt the other end of the spectrum, Vale and Kovo think they can help me feel better by asking what&#8217;s going on in my mind. If they knew, they would disown me. Was trying to talk to Scooby all by himself (as I cautiously feel I might be able to fully trust him), but the two keep getting in the way.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Courage uttering those words is my will finally bending (willing to be Bi), hoping me and blueberry actually could be more than just friends. But, at the end, it just &#8220;didn&#8217;t work out&#8221;. And just like me and Lunar, I&#8217;m &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/2019\/03\/16\/the-things-i-do-for-love-ends-in-another-heartbreak\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6638","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-drama","category-personal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6638","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6638"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6638\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6642,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6638\/revisions\/6642"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6638"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6638"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6638"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}