{"id":5994,"date":"2018-04-17T12:31:57","date_gmt":"2018-04-17T16:31:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/?p=5994"},"modified":"2018-04-17T17:15:52","modified_gmt":"2018-04-17T21:15:52","slug":"personal-drama-ashi-returns","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/2018\/04\/17\/personal-drama-ashi-returns\/","title":{"rendered":"More drama (but personal) \/ Ashi returns (but let’s be cool)"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m sure you guys have heard of the term “a positive action has an equal and opposite reaction”? — so says Issac Newton’s 3rd law of motion. Well I’m here to take that completely out of context, and rewrite it to “a positive weekend has an equal and negative week”. And I’m sure you people who hate Monday (you know who you are), can relate.
\nA day after meeting Telephone, I’m suddenly having a case of bad luck. Some minor, and some.. that still bug me. Though none<\/strong> of them (thankfully) affect the Best Boi community. Just myself. And I attend to keep it that way.<\/p>\n

First (major) case, affects my future of working on my world. Ever since what Oliver told me, I wanted to figure out why the trees I have, were letting me walk through them. I thought for sure this<\/em> time (since this is a current feature in Unity (aka not ProBuilder)), I would get the help I need.
\nInstead… I get ignored. And once I do get help, I’m told that I would have to manually set up the collider — yet I wasn’t told why<\/span><\/strong>. There’s supposed to be a ‘tree collider’ when you mass-place trees (using the terrain tools). Yet it’s not working… and no one’s telling me why!!
\nOf course this made me yell out loud (IRL), because I was so frustrated that (it felt to me) they were ignoring the problem. And this.. this got my father involved (who wasn’t too happy, thinking I’m “yelling at someone on the internet”). I told him it was a problem with a program. Yet instead of wanting to sit down and attempt to help me (like a father typically would when they see their son like this), all he wanted to do was make sure he wouldn’t hear me yelling about it. And then proceeded to escalate the problem further by saying “you’re sick in the head, you need help” saying I need to see a psychiatrist. And I’m all “Then take me up to see one!!” (yes I wasn’t helping the situation either).
\nAnd before you say “wow, your father is a dick!”… he has every right to be. Because I treat my parents like absolute shit. All I want to do is ‘be alone on my computer’, and refuse to help when they ask. But this is what happens when I’m a spoiled brat.
\nI’m the dick here, not him. But this isn’t going to make me change. All it did… was made me think of opening my mouth, stick a gun in it, and pulling the fucking trigger. Because for some reason, I think suicide is the only way to “reset my life”. Yet I don’t have the guts to follow through with it (which is why I’m still alive).
\nI’ll admit, I tend to get worked up over the stupidest of things, and yell at things that have no voice (thinking they do). I can’t help myself when I get pissed off like that.<\/p>\n

Eventually did get help, explaining the reason why they were telling me I have to set up the collider.. because apparently the ‘tree collider’ needs an active collider of the tree (and won’t just automatically place one for me).
\nDumb. Dumb. DUMB! What is the purpose of the tree collider then, if it won’t automatically create the collider when the tree is spawned (so I can be lazy)?!
\n—
\nAnd that’s not all, when it came to world building (also major). The next problem, is a previous problem. But a problem I wanted a positive response to. The problem of terrain scaling, and ‘getting the best of both worlds’ (with a realistic-sized river, and to be able to fine tune any paths I make).
\nInstead; “NOO!! Unity terrain BAD! Laggy (in VR)! BAD!!” They’re also telling me to use advanced techniques that I care not to use (as I want to keep things basic).
\nOne of those techniques, did peak my interest though; ‘terrain stitching’. I remember my friend telling me about this (when I was in the same subject before).
\nYet when I asked “so if I do this, what would be a good size to be able to do both?” When being referenced to someone else who possibly would know the answer, their indirect response (after showing what they did) was “use Blender”.
\nAnd this made me react to the bestest of sarcastic ways, with “See? Blender solves everything, even world hunger!”
\nAnd this is where I am today, unsure if I should just delete what I have, and forget about ever getting into world building. Because apparently, it’s Blender or nothing. And that doesn’t help with trying to get my friend to convince me not to give up, after arguing with him about not wanting to learn Blender (just to learn ProBuilder).
\nAs I said before, and I’ll say it again… “the future SUCKS!!”<\/p>\n

—
\nFinally moving on from talking about world building, is four things that happened in the Discord. One is minor, and the last three are semi-major.
\nThe first minor one, was between two people in the Best Boi Discord. One of them was talking about another of when they’re going to be getting married (ingame). This isn’t the important part. What was, when the other person mentioned “her cult” could be coming to the Best Boi server.
\nFeeling it was ‘the right thing to do’, I said “as long as they don’t do anything, it’s OK in my book”. Yep, doing the same thing I said I would stop doing. Perhaps I should remain banned, as I obviously can’t help myself.
\nI wasn’t prepared for the harsh backlash that followed (as typically I receive none). Lu is now in my face, saying to show them respect (and to not criticize people). I was too ashamed to retort or defend myself, and told Creepery… who didn’t make the situation any better, saying to “be careful”. In my eyes, I wasn’t<\/em> criticizing.. just doing what I can’t fucking seem to stop doing; defending a community. He’s also telling me “you deserve to be in here”.
\nTold him “don’t bullshit me”. Eventually I got over it, and did apologize to Creepery.<\/p>\n

First semi-major thing, BestBoi suddenly had to leave the Best Boi Discord server for an unknown reason. For the longest time, I tried not to talk about it, fearing my words could be used as ‘evidence’ that I caused him to leave (over ‘revenge’ of being banned). Yet I also felt (at the same time) for not<\/em> saying anything, that would still<\/span> feel suspicious of me (thinking for being quiet, I was causing it).
\nEventually, I spoke up (and tried to sound as innocent as I could), stating “he probably left because something happened in his life, which happens to 80% of people who leave something they enjoy.”
\nTo me, this is true, and I hoped they would think as such (and that would be it). Then Kaz says to me, that he spoke with BestBoi and how he doesn’t want to talk about it “for the sake of preventing more drama”.
\nI found his words quite offensive to me, and said “I never asked to know, I was just giving what would be a reason for his departure.” And then he’s saying I’m making assumptions. On top of that, Ginger was in the room… and he wasn’t paying attention (at all) as to what was going on, just ranting about something happening in his life.
\nIt was one big clusterfuck when I told Creepery, who couldn’t believe I was still seen as the enemy (after trying so hard to clear my name to them).
\nAnother “I should leave this server” moment. I still<\/strong> couldn’t believe Ginger wasn’t paying attention!! That literally proves Charms’ claim that most of the mods are only there due to their rank, and not their responsibilities.<\/p>\n

Here we go with the second semi-major thing. This happened in Creepery’s Discord server (in his ‘sad discussion’), where he’s talking about his life story of before and after he became a Best Boi. As much as I feel for him, I got my own issues to deal with (such as wanting to defend a community). I decided to take this time to tell them, just why I’m like this (in hopes people would actually understand what I’m going through, and at least give me some respect for it). Creepery was the only one that cared, while the others were on ‘Team Creepery’ (of respecting him more). Meh. Whatever. At least I tried.
\nLater on, one of the Best Boi mods (Impulse) was in there talking about all the drama in general (how “it won’t stop”). For some reason, I have to chirp in about the mods not doing their jobs (to lessen the drama). And Impulse jumps at me, saying “we fucking do”.. yeah, PROVE IT by stopping things like what happened with me! But I said “Woah, chill. I wasn’t talking about you directly, just all the mods”.
\nCreepery on the other hand, seemed like he was asskissing the guy (and I have to get on him about that in a DM).
\nThen Impulse starts showing a side, that I’ve never seen of the other mods. He’s stating how he’s tried things to better the community, but the other mods aren’t listening. I suddenly feel compassion for him, and wanting him to speak up (and DO SOMETHING about this). But instead of saying “you’re right, Benie. I’m tired of being ignored by the other mods. I need to do something”.. all he does is apologize for saying what he said to me. And when trying to say “don’t be, you have every right to be enraged. The mods aren’t listening to you”.. all I get is more apologizing.<\/p>\n

His compassion for the community, has clearly been dwindled from the months of being ignored (and has given up the fight). I wish there was something I could do (and say), for him to get that motivation again. But sadly, I can do nothing for him.
\nJust like Wurm… what the hell is keeping the community together (when it’s like this)? Yet the answer is clear as the nose on my face; Kibble. The fact he keeps updating the world every week, people enjoy this enough to stay.
\nBut for how long, until Kibble gets bored and stops updating? Who knows. It could be several months, or even several years. The community isn’t going to die out anytime soon (unless something major happens, such as a war against the Best Bois (that ends in defeat)).
\nThough I see nothing of the sort happening within the near future. The only time a war would start, is if Ashi starts it.
\n—
\nAnd speaking of Ashi… the final semi-major (yet also minor at the same time) thing. He’s back, and he wanted to talk to me. Tried to ask how I’ve been. And when I didn’t respond (due to fear of people watching my every move(when it comes to our conversations)), he said how “I’m not mad at you”, and “I left to protect you”.
\nOhh.. ‘protect’ me? Riiight. And you totally didn’t want to get revenge by framing me, you lying asshole! Even though I have no solid proof (apart from what John said), I’m going to go all Ginger and not believe a fucking word he says anymore (and blocked him). And it felt good afterwards, not giving into his lies — never again.
\nFool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, it’s not going to happen. And I’m not even going to tell the mods about this (as it’s not a big deal). He’s not trying to start anything up. And even if he does, I won’t believe him!
\nBut unfortunately, this story doesn’t end here. He also joined the Telephone Fan Club (which has placed me in quite the predicament situation). Talked it over with Creepery (who I invited to the server a few days ago, and also didn’t know if he should stay or go). But at the end, I decided that we’ll stay (for now). Just as long as no one DMs me (or him) saying “Ashi wants you to unblock him”, there will be no problem.
\nBut knowing Ashi, he’ll eventually get someone on his side to bug me. And when that day comes? We leave! No big deal. Simple as that! Ashi can’t harass me in the Best Boi Discord, as his ass will be blocked!! \ud83d\ude00
\nYou guys can’t see it, but I’m grinning IRL. This is probably the first time I got to smile since meeting Telephone, and it feels so good. There’s not a fucking thing he can do to me!! And if I knew this (way before I got banned), things probably would had been better for me.
\nWell that.. and I grow tired of being neutral. It’s not fun, and has way… way<\/strong> too much risk of pissing off one or the other community (or even both). And just like learning Blender, it’s not worth the effort.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m sure you guys have heard of the term “a positive action has an equal and opposite reaction”? — so says Issac Newton’s 3rd law of motion. Well I’m here to take that completely out of context, and rewrite it … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5994","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5994","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5994"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5994\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5995,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5994\/revisions\/5995"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5994"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5994"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5994"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}