My my has this been a busy week since I got my new motherboard and video card.<\/p>\n
I really haven’t been gaming today over having other things on my mind. More… personal things I can’t really explain in this blog. But things that refuse to go away. That are much worse than a lock up.
\nLets just say that, I don’t think I’m going to live to see my 33rd birthday. It makes me upset to just talk about it. But I guess it’s going to have to come out sometime.
\nI know what’s wrong with me. And I know how I could overcome this and undo it, but I don’t want to have to do it. Because it means giving away what I have loved doing over the years.
\nPretty much, changing my entire life around.<\/p>\n
First off, I have a really bad case of GERD, and probably some peptic ulcers in my stomach. Both from my years of drinking my favorite carbonated beverage, 7up.
\nThat’s something that I can live with, and I’ve been doing it for awhile. But the fact it’s gone so many years untreated, now there feels like this lump in the back of my throat, above my atom’s apple. It seems to make me think I got asthma or something.<\/p>\n
And then there’s two things I know will be the end of me if I don’t get them looked at, and soon. One is having constant heartburn, and having it on my back, making me think I got a backache. And what feels as if my left arm gets numb alittle bit, and I can feel my heart beating in my chest.<\/p>\n
And finally, the big one. The fact I’ve eaten so many sweets over the years and hardly anything good for me, my appendix feels like it wants to be taken out.
\nI keep getting throbbing, sometimes stabbing pains around my right waist area. And feeling bloating pressure like it’s gas.<\/p>\n
All of these problems could be treated if I ever get the guts to tell my parents that I have to go to the hospital.
\nBut I keep thinking “it’s just gas… just gas…it’ll go away”. Even if I went there, the first thing they’re going to say after they take care of my issues is “You have to go on a diet”. And my parents will force me to eat healthy, and I’ll probably ending up killing myself over it because I couldn’t take the stress. :'(<\/p>\n
I’m sorry… I just get so emotional over things like this.
\nBut yes. I’m also obese. So I probably have Diabetes too. I seem to have one of those eating disorders, where I just crave junk food and stay away from healthy foods, saying I hate them because they’re not yummy like junk food is.
\nI couldn’t stand having to do away with doughnuts, and cheese pizza, and plain cheeseburgers with ketchup only.
\nI’m even starting to stop eating foods I used to like, such as chicken nuggets. Because of my failing teeth not being able to chew it right.<\/p>\n
And everytime I see a health commercial, all I do is “Fuck off! Let me die already!”, and hope that when it is my time, that god will have mercy and take me in my sleep. Or if it’s in the day, a quick and painless way.
\nMaybe I could be reincarnated as another human and undo the mistakes I made in my past life. Because this one can’t be saved, unless I get hypnotized to think healthy food is junk food.<\/p>\n
The only good foods I like eating are granola bars, oatmeal creme pies, applesauce, and potatoes. I love potatoes.<\/p>\n
.
\nI’m sorry to all of my readers that have just read all of the above. I guess this was my fingers trying to call out for help. But I refuse to help myself by changing my eating habits.<\/p>\n
I am trying to lose some weight, by walking around the block once every Wednesday. And I’m trying to limit my intake of junk food. But I think it might be too late for that.
\nI fucked myself up. And now I have to pay. I can only pray that god will find it in his tender heart to make it as painless as possible when I do pass away.<\/p>\n
The reason why I feel like that I may not see my 33rd birthday, is the things I mentioned above are getting worse. It’s like my health is deteriorating.
\nAnd all I wanna do is my best to ignore these possible early signs of problems to come in my future, and just continue to live life the way I want by focusing on my computer and it’s problems.<\/p>\n
.
\n.
\n.
\n.
\n.
\n.
\n.
\n.
\n.
\n.
\n.
\n.
\n.
\n.
\n.
\n.
\n.
\n.
\n.
\nOr maybe it was that Rootbeer Float I had at Sonic today. Damn they make some good floats. A shame my stomach doesn’t like them.
\nIt feels alittle better to finally get this off my chest. Now if I do pass away, anyone that reads this blog will know why. Kinda morbid, but; life sucks and then… well you know.<\/p>\n
And the reason why I posted this? What I’ve been seeing in Facepunch. It just seems like I’m being told a message I have to do something, when I see threads like “10 signs you need to go on a diet”, “The Health Care Plan Explained!”, “Post your BMI!”, and “Swine flu targeting fat people.”.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My my has this been a busy week since I got my new motherboard and video card. I really haven’t been gaming today over having other things on my mind. More… personal things I can’t really explain in this blog. … Continue reading